The Philosopher's Song

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Oh....Immanuel Kant was a real pissant 
Who was very rarely stable

Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar 
Who could think you under the table 

David Hume could out-consume 
Willhelm Freidrich Hegel

And Wittgenstein was a beery swine 
Who was just as schloshed as Schlegel 

There's nothing Nietzche couldn't teach ya 
'Bout the raising of the wrist 
Socrates himself was permanently pissed 

John Stuart Mill of his own free will 
On half a pint of shandy was particularly ill

Plato they say, could stick it away 
Half a crate of whisky every day 

Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle 
Hobbes was fond of his dram 

And Rene Descartes was a drunken fart 
"I drink, therefore I am." 

Yes Socrates himself is particularly missed... 
A lovely little thinker 
But a bugger when he's pissed.